I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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