I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
