Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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