i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
