He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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