Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
