I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
