i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
