THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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