If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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