pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
