Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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