I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
