Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
