YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
