dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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