There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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