And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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