Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
