how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
