the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
