Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
