Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
