My nipple is on Facebook.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
