I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
