Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
