After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
