There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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