can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
