well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
