So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
