Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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