He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
FUCK WHALES
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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