I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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