mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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