ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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