We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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