Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
