If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
