Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
