I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
