I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
