To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
