Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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