I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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