This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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