Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
