I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
