I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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