I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
