Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
